Couch Potato Weird Al Yankovic
Look
If you had
One shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it
Or just let it slip?

Yo
Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstones on the TV already
Wilma N' Betty
No virgin to channel surfin
And I'm HD ready
So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting
There's Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth, always says something foul
They're dying, Wow!
Wannabes are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel

Shows based on reality
Oh the humanity!
Oh! Ozzy's family!
Sho' loves profanity!
Whoa! The insanity!
Oh! Dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity?
No! They live happily

Yo! Plus "The Ali G Show"
And "Celebrity Mole"
Oh there's Anna Nicole
She's scaring me
"Look ma, no cavities!"
Oh! It's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

"You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)

"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
They told me, cajoled me
"Turn off those music videos!" (no!)
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN TV Land and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
"You're Gonna..."

My butt is aching
As I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King to "24" to "Law and Order"
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes
Ancient reporters next up on "E True Hollywood Story"
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey

Shows for next fall, they've already been naming
"CSI: Boise", and "Touched By An Uncle", both sound prettying lame, man
so does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
and "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it.

I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
Then I bet I'll watch "The Bachelorette"
Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
And "The Muppet Show" where they go "Mahna Mahna"

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Disney Channel, and A&E and Lifetime

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
I'm lookin' at C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)

Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost in Space"
I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without a Trace"
But I only watched "Will and Grace" one time one day
Wished I hadn't cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay

Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour
After that felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambition
"Next week on FOX - watch lions eat Christians!"

Like to tie up those programming planners
Make'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"
Leech-covered grub-eating fools on "Survivor"
Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider

And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver
And Jay Leno has got Madonna and hey, there's Luke Perry
And a special all pig-latin episode of "Drew Carey"

Wanna turn on ET cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
A 30 second spot, then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
I was planning on recording "The Sopranos". I forgot!
I love shows with or without a plot
I stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got
one brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune into every show (show)
My cable's gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo!)

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me,
"Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show!" (no!)
I got it on C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo!)

You can watch anything you want to, man.

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